My first book, Darkwater: A Pastor’s Memoir of Depression and Faith, will be released in just five days. I’m spending these days asking you some questions related to themes in the book. I invite you to answer in the comment section!
One of the major focuses in the book is a voice in my head that I call “the Dark Voice.” This voice tells me terrible things about myself, and it has some favorite things to say, some “greatest hits” it brings out again and again.
My depression often manifests itself through my own voice, my own voice telling me terrible things about myself. This voice is very cruel. The voice tells me that I’m supposed to understand everything. The voice tells me that I’m supposed to always be in control of myself, and in control of my situation. The voice tells me that I’m very smart, and because of that, I should be able to solve any problem. And when I can’t, the voice tells me I’m a failure. In fact, the sentence this voice loves to say more than any other is this:
I should have known better.
Darkwater, Chapter 29
I wonder if we all have a voice something like this. I wonder if we all have “greatest hits” that our nasty selves tell us. If you’re willing to share, what are the greatest hits of the mean voices in your head?
Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash
Scholtes-Blog 
“Hello darkness my old friend” can’t get it out of my head
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I have an internal monologue. Rarely quiet. Often second guessing and putting me down. You’re your own worst critic? I guess that fits me to a t.
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