Sometimes I find out just how angry people are. Sometimes I make the mistake of reading the comments. Facebook posts these days are so frequently about wearing masks, or about churches being open, or about opening businesses, or about keeping them closed. Even reading just those posts can sometimes remind me of the anger, but … Continue reading Sometimes Despair
I was recently at a meeting where the leader led us in something called the "Four Quaker Questions." A little bit of googling has led me to believe that these questions are widely used as icebreakers in religious groups, but that they have no connection whatsoever to the Society of Friends (aka the Quakers). That's … Continue reading Answering the Quaker Questions
When I was a freshman in college, I lived in the "freshman dorm." Some of you might remember such things. A whole pile of 18- and 19-year-olds, just out of their nests, filled with hormones and alcohol. I remember standing outside on several frigid nights, waiting for the fire alarm to be reset after someone … Continue reading Who Says Everything is Meaningless?
For the next month or so, I want to write about the summers in my life. I have discerned that my depression is often at a low point during the summer, which could be connected to some “small-t traumas” I have experienced throughout my life during the summer. And yet, despite that, I know that … Continue reading The Summer of 2018
People sometimes ask me, "How are you doing?" or "How are you feeling?" Sometimes, of course, it's just blah blah small talk, like all of us engage in. But sometimes, people will ask me, "How are you doing?" and I know that they're asking it regarding my mental health. They're not just saying hello, they're … Continue reading How is your brain today?
A semi-fictional account of recent encounters with both my therapist and my spiritual director. I say "semi-fictional," because it didn't really happen quite as written below. However, it is all true in another way. Perhaps I could call it a "mythical account." We got deep into it that morning. Questions of career and direction. Questions … Continue reading Drifting Ashes
The Dark Voice has been talking to me a lot lately. The Dark Voice is the name I have given to the voice inside me that has been telling me lies for most of my life, lies that I have so often believed. The Dark Voice tells me things like: You are worthless. You should … Continue reading Lent with the Dark Voice
I had an excellent session with my therapist a few days ago. It had been way too long since I'd seen him -- I had canceled my last appointment (in early November, I think?), and never bothered rescheduling it, because I just didn't want to feel any better. I was depressed and stewing in it. … Continue reading Whatever You Decide…
This is Part Two of a post I began yesterday. Click here to read Part One. The words of the fire resonated with me so deeply. I have been so depressed for the past few months. I feel like the whole year has been a year of writing, but the past few months have been … Continue reading Dark Firewater (Part Two)
This is a pretty long post, so I'm publishing it in two parts. Here's Part One. Part Two will come tomorrow. In the woods behind my house, there sits a fire pit. I built it shortly after we moved here, and used it a lot for the first few years. Lately, it has sat idle. … Continue reading Dark Firewater (Part One)