For at least twenty years, I have enjoyed walking labyrinths. Labyrinths are maze-like structures that have been used as spiritual tools for centuries. For the past nine years, I’ve been walking labyrinths throughout the northeastern United States, and blogging about them. To learn more about labyrinths, check out this page at the Labyrinth Society. To find labyrinths near you, try the Worldwide Labyrinth Locator.

I had spent much of the morning walking labyrinths in Westchester County, New York. Then the skies opened up, and it began to pour as I drove. The next labyrinth on my list was one I wasn’t sure I wanted to walk anyway. So I skipped it and headed to the next one, which was a half hour drive away. I hoped that would be long enough to wait out the storm, and it was! I arrived at Scarborough Presbyterian Church in Briarcliff Manor, New York. The labyrinth is a five-circuit medieval style, with a grass path and inlaid brick walls.

The storm that brought me from the previous labyrinth to this one also helped me shift from one question to another. All morning, I was exploring my current creativity block. At the last labyrinth, I asked where there is energy in my life now, to try to build on that. The storm reminded me of the flipside of that question: What do I fear right now? I thought that might be helpful to explore, so I entered the labyrinth with it on my lips.

I realized that my fears right now were very obvious to me, and that they were rather simple and ordinary fears. I’m scared about my son going away to college next year – not scared for him so much as scared for me. I got a taste of what that will be like earlier this year, when he spent three weeks at college taking a course. I missed him so much, and I’m scared how that will be next year. The second fear is my father’s health. He’s had some troubles this year, and I’ve found myself driving him to appointments and doing simple chores around his house. I think we’re over the hump with this now, but the fear I have is of when it becomes long-term, when one or both of my parents are in the position that I need to become a caretaker. I’m scared I won’t be able to balance that with my other commitments. And I’m scared I won’t be a good caretaker.

Both of these fears are about my changing role in relation to both my child and my parent. In both, I’m scared I’ll have regrets, things I wish I’d done, and things I wish I’d done differently.

As I walked, I wondered if this might be a good thing to mine for creativity. I wonder if these feelings might be something that could be tested into some kind of story or poem or something. Something to explore in the next labyrinth.