For at least twenty years, I have enjoyed walking labyrinths. Labyrinths are maze-like structures that have been used as spiritual tools for centuries. For the past nine years, I’ve been walking labyrinths throughout the northeastern United States, and blogging about them. To learn more about labyrinths, check out this page at the Labyrinth Society. To find labyrinths near you, try the Worldwide Labyrinth Locator.

I was in southeastern New York State, on a long journey of walking labyrinths. I drove to my second labyrinth of the day, at Hitchcock Presbyterian Church in Scarsdale, New York.

This is a different kind of labyrinth, a five-circuit Roman style. The angles are all right-angles, which led to a “tight” kind of walk – it felt more structured, in a way. I hadn’t realized how different it feels with the more common circular walk. I was always walking in one of the four cardinal directions, not in concentric circles like usual.

I was still thinking about creativity and where mine has gone. At the first labyrinth today, I questioned what I could do to start getting it back. Now I wondered why it had gone in the first place. The question I brought in was, Have I been in a holding pattern since the bishop’s election?

About four months ago, our synod held an election for the next bishop, the pastor who would lead the synod through the next six years. For months before the election, I knew that I would be nominated, and I wondered if my life was about to change in a big way. I also knew that I had the strong feeling that the Holy Spirit was preparing me for something new, yet when the election happened, I was not elected. I was actually very relieved. My question at Hitchcock Presbyterian was about what I’ve done internally since then. Was I just waiting for something else?

I walked through this path of right angles, and remembered how much energy there was in me leading up to the election. I felt on fire. In addition to being a candidate, I was the one who had to coordinate and prepare for the election, and so I was very busy and anxious for months. After the election was over, I found that energy just dissipated. I wasn’t excited to find that new thing anymore. I guess I was just kind of waiting and muddling along, figuring that if there still was some big thing it would reveal itself. But it hasn’t, not so far. And I’ve just been on some kind of auto-pilot since.

I was hot as I walked. It was October, but the temperature was supposed to climb above 80 today. It felt like summer, not autumn. I love the crispy chills of autumn, not the heat and mugginess of summer. I didn’t like this feeling. But maybe that’s telling about how I’m feeling internally as well. It’s autumn, the time of change and decay, which I always find so meaningful, but I’m feeling like summer doldrums. But I can still search for that energy anyway. It’s maybe not as easy, but I can still search for it.