I’m sitting in the waiting room at the car dealer, waiting as the oil is changed and the emissions are inspected. It’s so easy to keep a vehicle maintained. Easy? Well, at least I find it to be rather simple. It takes work, and it takes time, but it’s not complicated to know what to do. Just take it to the dealer and let them do what the maintenance schedule suggests. At least that works for me. I trust my dealer to understand my car much better than I do, and they haven’t led me astray so far.

If only there was a way to do the same with my mental health. I don’t have a dealer to see for that. (Although now I mention the word “dealer,” I’m wondering how many people self-medicate with items from a different sort of “dealer.”) In fact, I have several people I see regularly. I see my psychiatrist once every two or three months. I see my counselor every two weeks. I see my spiritual director every month. I trust each of these people, and they have been helpful to me. But it’s not the same as when I see my car dealer.

How amazing it would be if I could just drive to my psychiatrist’s office, sign some paperwork, and leave my brain with her while I sit in the waiting room, get on the complimentary Wi-Fi, and play Duolingo on my phone. And then after an hour or so, a tech would come out and tell me that my brain is ready. I’d pay for the service, they’d tell me what brain services were due next (serotonin replacement due in six months), and then I’d drive home, knowing that my brain would function normally for the next 5,000 miles.

Oh, but it doesn’t work like that. My psychiatrist gives me prescriptions and possible future interventions (ketamine might be on the horizon at some point). My counselor gives me perspective and has taught me the skill of mindfulness. My spiritual director gives me affirmation and gentle guidance. But the decisions are mine. The willpower is mine. The hard work is mine.

I take my car to the dealer regularly, because I have no expertise on automotive maintenance, nor do I have the tools. I pay them to do the work so I don’t have to. But with my brain, I pay people to tell me how to do the work. I’m not complaining – I have a great deal of admiration and gratitude for what they do for me – but sometimes it feels like it would be nice to just pop my brain out for a routine cleaning every so often.

Or maybe even trade it in for a new model.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay