This is an adapted form of the sermon I preached June 4, 2023, the Holy Trinity. The gospel reading I preached on was Matthew 28:16-20.

There’s something about this story that many people have found surprising. There’s one detail that theologians and church leaders over the centuries have tried to explain away, tried to work around, tried to hide under the carpet. Because that one detail, just two words, really, really confused and bothered them. Did you catch it?

I’ll set the stage for you. This story in Matthew is the follow-up to the story we heard on Easter Day, eight weeks ago. We heard Matthew’s version of the Resurrection story this year. And the way Matthew tells it, Jesus appeared to Mary Magdalene outside the tomb and told her, “Go and tell my brothers that I am going ahead of you to Galilee. There you will see me.”

Today’s story picks up right there. Presumably, Mary told the others, because Matthew tells us this:

“Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them.” Interesting detail there, that there are eleven disciples. Twelve is a very special number in scripture – it signifies all of God’s people. That’s why there are twelve tribes of Israel, twelve apostles. But here there are eleven, not twelve, because Matthew had already told us that after betraying Jesus, Judas repented and hanged himself in his guilt. So that’s interesting – this is not a complete complement of disciples. Eleven disciples is something of a broken number, incomplete and imperfect.

That’s a very interesting detail, but it’s not the detail that upset people. That comes next. Matthew continues:

“When they saw Jesus, they worshiped him; but some doubted.”

There it is. Some doubted. Those two words have been a real challenge for many people across the centuries. The eleven disciples worshiped him, but some doubted. And so many people have said, “Oh, it doesn’t mean the eleven doubted, it means some other people doubted.” People have said, “Oh, it means that they had doubted in the past, but not anymore.” Some people just couldn’t accept that the first leaders of the early church might have doubted Jesus. There had to be a mistake here – it was scandalous.

But I don’t know about you, but I see this very differently. In fact, I find the thought that some doubted to be good news, filled with hope. Because it means there’s hope for me too. I don’t know about you, but I doubt too.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not telling you that I’m having a crisis of faith. I’m telling you that my faith includes doubt. Doubt is just a part of having faith, at least for me. And I bet for you too.

I believe what I say from this pulpit, I’m not lying to you. But I also doubt. People are complicated. And it’s possible to believe something and also doubt it at the same time.

Think about it this way. The writer Anne Lamott once wrote, “The opposite of faith is not doubt – it is certainty.”

Think about that. “The opposite of faith is not doubt – it is certainty.” Certainty in something means that we have no doubt whatsoever. There are some things we’re certain about: things we don’t even think about, because they’re just obvious. I am certain that it’s sunny today. I am certain that we are outside right now. I am certain that I am able to breathe right now. I am certain that there’s no snow on the ground here.

And oh, when I am in pain, when I stub my toe really hard, or when I lose someone I love, I don’t usually ask myself, “Is this pain real?” In moments of suffering, we are certain that we are suffering. We don’t have to take that on faith – it just is. Suffering is certain.

But we’re not certain about God in the same way. At least I’m not. Our faith in God isn’t something that we can take for granted. It’s something we believe, but can’t prove. It’s something we hope in, but sometimes forget about. It’s something we want to believe, but don’t always succeed, especially in times of stress. Our faith in God is something that always contains doubt. That’s just how faith is.

And there are so many different ways we experience that doubt.

We might wonder if these stories are true.

We might wonder if we really believe every word we say in the Apostles Creed each week.

We might wonder if this bread and wine really are Christ’s body and blood.

We might wonder if maybe we’ve gotten some of this wrong.

We might wonder how our friends and relatives can believe so differently than we do.

We might wonder why bad things happen to us, if God loves us.

We can wonder if we’re just not good enough, if maybe we weren’t made in God’s image after all.

We might wonder if any of this makes any difference in our day-to-day lives.

I don’t know about you, but I have wondered about these things. And wondering these things doesn’t mean I’m a bad Christian, or an unfaithful person. In fact, I think it’s this wondering that shows that I have faith.

And I wonder if wonder itself isn’t a gift that we get through doubt.

When they saw him, they worshiped him, but some doubted. That’s us. We are here worshiping, and doubting at the same time. We believe. But we doubt. We have faith. But we doubt.

And that’s okay. In fact, that’s wonderful, because Jesus called those doubting disciples. Called them to go, and make more disciples. Called them to baptize others, and to teach them. Called them to never ever forget that Jesus is always with them, to the end of the age.

Jesus is calling you, even if you’re wondering. The Holy Spirit is enlivening you through that wonder. Wonder is where we find beauty, and where we find truth that’s deeper than any certainty. It’s okay to wonder. It’s okay to doubt. Live in that wonder, and keep worshiping. Live in that wonder, and keep serving. Live in that wonder, and keep following Jesus to whatever mountain he leads us to.

Doubt is fine. Doubt is wonderful.

Image by Elisa from Pixabay