Never Enough Left (poem, 2008)

I found some old poems I wrote in 2008. This was about a year after I was ordained a pastor, and I was having some second thoughts about my calling. Was I really cut out for this? My wife and I were also at this time expecting our first child, and I was anxious about what that would mean. I think most of the emotions in these poems come from those two things. I read through the poems tonight, and I thought they weren’t too bad. So I thought I’d share one with you tonight. I’ll share another one tomorrow.

Never Enough Left

I’m scrabbling upward to heaven
I’m clawing alone through this rock
I’ve never been one to feel lonely
But I just can’t deliver this flock

I’m torn apart waiting for guidance
I’m tossed aside sifting out sand
I’ve never been one to feel hardened
But life is a long ampersand

There are too many
Roads I walk down
Too many
People to see
Too much
Riding on these lines
Never enough left of me

I’m garnishing wages from science
I’m tarnishing ashes and tin
I’ve often been one to feel guilty
But there is no recycling for sin

There are too many
Roads I walk down
Too many
People to see
Too much
Riding on these lines
Never enough left of me