Forgiving Myself

I want to write this out, because I want to practice saying it. I need the practice, because I’m not very good at it.

I want to write this publicly, not in my journal but publicly on this blog, because I want to say it out loud. I want people to hear me say it, because I think the accountability will help.

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not focusing enough on my morning devotions today, for allowing it to be perfunctory, and not really allowing myself the time and attention to connect with God.

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for spending part of the morning dealing with tech support for my my computer, only to discover that apparently the problem is with my internet service provider. I forgive myself for getting so very cranky about that, and for wasting the rest of the morning playing video games because I was just so cranky and out of sorts. I forgive myself for taking longer than I wish to turn to mindfulness to calm down.

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for cutting my meditation short this afternoon, because it just didn’t feel like it was going anywhere. I could have powered through it, and perhaps grown more through that, but I didn’t. Perhaps it was the wrong choice, but if it was, I forgive myself for that.

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for not reading today. And for not getting my exercise today. For not eating well today. For not answering my mood tracker app when it asked me, “How are you feeling right now?”

Today was a lousy day. I just wasn’t on today. It wasn’t a total loss…I got the grocery shopping done, got my hair cut, got a new internet service provider lined up for installation in two weeks. I had some good time with the kids. And today, that’s enough. I don’t need to beat myself up for this. I don’t need to be “better” than this. I am who I am, and today was what it was. And that’s alright.

I forgive myself.