I enjoy walking labyrinths. Labyrinths are maze-like structures that have been used as spiritual tools for centuries. There are many of them around, and I am in the habit of trying to visit a lot of them. For more information about labyrinths, check out The Labyrinth Society. Find where labyrinths are in your area at the Worldwide Labyrinth Locator.

This is an amazing labyrinth. Not so much for what it is, though it is very nice. (It’s a Chartres replica made of inlaid stone of varied colors.) More for where it is. The Plaza is an outdoor shopping complex in Secaucus, just a few miles from New York City. This labyrinth is right in the middle of it, inlaid into a broad sidewalk connecting various stores and restaurants. In a way, this is very reminiscent of the original Chartres labyrinth in France. That labyrinth is set into the entryway of a cathedral, so you have to walk on it to enter. Just so, this labyrinth is not off-the beaten-path like most of those I’ve walked, but instead is itself the path!

The question I carried into the labyrinth was an outgrowth of what I’d been asking about all morning: guilt. I’d reflected at the last labyrinth that I can turn any strong emotion into guilt, and now I wondered: What am I missing out on by going straight to guilt?

I felt self-conscious walking in concentric circles in the middle of this shopping plaza. I was grateful that there were not many people around. As I walked, I received a series of answers to my question:

Surprises.

Fullness.

The sound of the birds that are singing around and above me right now.

Letting go.

All these are things that I miss out on by allowing myself to go straight to guilt. How? Well, I think it’s because one of the ways my guilt manifests is as social anxiety. When I feel guilty, I often don’t want to be around people at all, for fear that I will do something wrong, for fear that I will cause someone pain or aggravation, for fear that I will be seen for who I am, and cause more trouble than I’m worth. So I hide myself away, and miss the abundance of life.

I get so stuck in so many ways, in so many things: distractions, coping mechanisms that just numb me, emotional roller coasters that turn into closed loops. And I wonder if in a way it all comes down to guilt, or if it could be interpreted that way. But here in this labyrinth, here in this plaza, here in the outskirts of a large city, I feel so open and alive. There’s something about cities, at least when I visit them, that always feels so alive. Is that why I feel this way here? Would I benefit by moving closer to a city? Or is it more about the emotional journey of the labyrinth? Would I benefit by seeking out this experience more? Or is it about the particulars of today’s journey? Would I benefit by working on this question of guilt?

Lots of options. Lots of open field ahead of me. I just need to decide which way to go.