Lately, I have perceived that I do not love myself. While reading, I have recoiled whenever the author talks about self-esteem or self-worth. I do not like the idea of being worthy of love. Something deep inside me reacts negatively to that. Which reminds me of something from a long, long time ago, when I … Continue reading Worthy of Love
This morning, I went out to do some errands: the post office and the grocery store. This is typical Friday fare for me. When I'm not on medical leave, Fridays are my day off, and I usually spend the morning grocery shopping and whatever else is necessary that week. I've stayed in the Friday errand … Continue reading A Breakthrough!
My father lent me the book The Book of Joy by Douglas Abrams, a series of interviews with His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I'm about a third of the way through it right now, and I'm finding it to be excellent. Here is a paragraph that especially spoke to me today: "What … Continue reading Joy through Togetherness
So I'm learning about mindfulness and meditation. The book I'm reading, Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn, just suggested that I figure out why I want to meditate. What the purpose of it is. Otherwise, it likely won't go anywhere. So I would like to explore that here. First, I really want to get … Continue reading Why Meditate?
This has been a weird weekend. I did not go to church this morning, which for me is not normal. Now, for the past five weeks I of course haven't been to my own church, but I always go to church, even when I'm on vacation or medical leave. But today, because of various reasons … Continue reading Nerd Nite or Church
This morning, I attended my very first yoga class. Back in December, when I made it public that I would be taking some time off from work to focus on healing, a friend at church suggested that I consider doing it. In particular, she suggested "Yin Yoga," a special form of yoga that...well, it's better … Continue reading Yoga? Me? Really?
What does depression feel like? I am learning about mindfulness and meditation, and I found an exercise that asks this question. I decided to try it. I slowed down, focused on my breath, and pictured myself in a vast room, all alone, with a lit candle at the center. I ask into the room, “What … Continue reading The Texture of Depression
This morning I attended an Episcopal church. They offered laying on of hands and anointing with oil for healing this morning. I took advantage of the opportunity. The priest asked my name, and laid his hands on my head, saying something like, "Michael, I lay my hands upon you in the Name of the Father, and of … Continue reading Anointed
This is a semi-fictional account of two events: a spiritual quest I went on in Schuylkill County yesterday, and a session with my spiritual director this morning. There's no need to try to discern how much of it is "true." In a way, it all is. I walk the streets of this town, looking for … Continue reading Darkwater
I guess today is something like Day 16 of my medical leave. The longest vacation I've ever taken was two weeks, which means this is now the longest I've been not working in seventeen years. (I originally wrote "the longest I've been idle," but realized that that was judgmental.) Today I started exploring mindfulness, at my … Continue reading Mindfulness, the gift of Eternity