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Autumn, Melancholy, and Suicide
It’s the middle of autumn. November. A wintry wind has been whirling around my world the last week or so. This wind knocked the power out twice within a week, which was less than pleasant for me. A power outage is a very reliable trigger for me, one that ramps my anxiety from 0-60 in…
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Labyrinth #111: The Redemption of the Dark Voice
Before arriving at this labyrinth, I got a traffic citation for failing to follow New York’s “Move Over Law,” a law I hadn’t been aware of. I encourage you to read my retelling of that experience before reading the rest of this post. It provides vital context. After receiving that ticket, I spiraled. For the…
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A Drive Through Future Memories: From Guilt to Hope
A few weeks ago, on a Friday, I began a labyrinthine journey without knowing it. Fridays are my weekly days off, and I sometimes stay at home all day, reading, playing video games, doing a few chores. On other Fridays, I get itchy to travel, and I get in my car and just go somewhere.…
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Mindful Eating and Mindful Reading: Feeding Body and Mind
About two months ago, I made a decision. I was very unhappy with my current weight, and I was also concerned about my blood pressure, which I couldn’t seem to get under control even with medication. So my decision was to change my diet, effective immediately. I’ve lost weight in the past; at least three…
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Remembering Feryl: A Journey Through Depression and Hope
Dear Feryl, I can remember your funeral. I was there, and while I don’t remember many of the details, one in particular stands out. I’ve never forgotten that detail – the detail that you were there – you sang at your own funeral. You always had such a beautiful singing voice, and I remember hearing…
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From Grief to Authenticity: Coming Back to Writing
In my last post, I wrote about how I stopped writing publicly last November. I claimed that the initial reason was my grief at the election of Donald Trump to a second term as President. Over time, I began to feel that if I started writing again, that writing had to change. I began to…
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Reflections on Grief After Trump’s Re-election: A Writer’s Struggle
When Donald Trump won the presidency for the second time, in November 2024, I grieved. I grieved because I believed that his re-election meant that white supremacy had prevailed. That transphobia and homophobia had prevailed. That Christian nationalism had prevailed. All these inhuman things. I use the word inhuman deliberately, because all these things are…
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Navigating Depression II: My Journey with More Antidepressants
In my last post, I wrote about my history of taking antidepressant medication. I thought it might be helpful for anyone considering whether to go that route in getting help for their mental illness. But another reason I wrote about that now is because I have just changed my medications for the first time in…
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Navigating Depression: My Journey with Antidepressants
I have lived with depression for as long as I can remember. The primary way I’ve dealt with it is talk therapy. I first received talk therapy at age seventeen, and I’ve now been receiving therapy consistently for over twenty years. When someone asks me what might help them with their own particular mental illness,…
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You’re Not Alone: The Gospel’s Message for a Struggling Friend
A letter to a friend in the pews… Dear Friend, Perhaps you’ve wondered where I’ve been. Perhaps you’ve missed me. Perhaps you’ve worried about me. I’m okay right now. I’ve been gone a while, and while I haven’t been okay the whole time, I’m okay now. Thank you for your concern. What have I been…
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